Dealing with Abuse as a Dementia Caregiver

Today's ingredient is, how do we handle the aggression that can sometimes accompany dementia.

Again I will state that I am not an expert nor do I claim to be. I am simply leaning on my experiences, my training and my standards.

As a caregiver in a facility, I not only have guidelines to follow but I am also governed by the laws of my state and this country.

That being said, for myself, I also rely on my morals and what I know to be right.

If a resident that I am working with lashes out at me, it is my duty to try to get out of the way.

It is not ok for me to block the shot, restrain the resident in any way or God forbid lash out back.

I have too many options at my disposal to do any of these things.

I can get another aide to help me with a resident we know is combative. "Hey, can you distract Sara while I get her washed up for bed?

The other aide may be able to sing with her, talk to her about her favorite activity or her favorite food, or even help her eat a bedtime snack while I get her cleaned up and in her pjs.

I can distract her myself if I am able.

I can have another aide perform her nighttime cares if Sara just isn't liking my face that day.

I can leave and give her some time and then reapproach later.

Under extreme circumstances, I can speak to a nurse about getting Sara a PRN which is a medication given only as needed to help calm Sara down prior to going in to get her ready for bed.

The point is I have many many other options available to me as a paid caregiver working with dementia residents.

I should never ever do anything that would put a resident in harms way.

This includes blocking a shot.

If I throw my hand up to block their swat, there is an extreme possibility that the resident will be hurt.

If their frail hand hits my arm or hand they will most likely come away with a bruise at the very least.

Skin tears are also a possibility along with them just losing their balance and falling down.

I have the ability to duck and dodge a swipe.

Unfortunately sometimes I won't be fast enough and I'm going to get hit. That comes with the territory, it is what I signed up for. If it gets too bad, I simply go home and don't come back.

I am paid to protect these vulnerable people.

I have the ability to change my behavior.  They do not.

If they are lashing out more than likely they are scared. They are not trying to hurt me, they are trying to protect themselves.

If I can change something about what I'm doing or how I'm doing it so they feel less afraid then everybody wins.

Your options are much more limited when you are caring for a loved one in your home. Maybe you are their family member and their one and only caregiver.

Obviously abuse is not ok in this situation either and knowing what to do becomes much more difficult.

If you are a caregiver taking care of a loved one at home who suffers from dementia and you are being abused in any way please reach out to a medical provider immediately.

This may be the time to get professional help on board.

It may be best to place your loved one in a facility that is trained to deal with these behaviors if you are able.

It may be time to bring professional caregivers into your home to help with mom or dad.

You are not failing your loved one by getting them trained caregivers. 

No one deserves to be abused; not them or you.

All names have been changed to protect privacy