I am a CNA in a facility that caters to the elderly at all different stages of their later years.
Some come to us simply to have the added reassurance that there is someone around if they need it.
These folks do most everything on their own. They come and go as they choose. They pass their own meds. They decide if they are going to eat in their room or head to the dining room for their meals. They enjoy organized activities and they set up their own group activities. Several get together weekly to play cards.
We may only see these folks in times of emergency. That's why we are here. They feel safe.
Once they need a little more help we may start passing their meds for them so they don't forget or get the wrong doses. We might help them with a bath or shower a few times a week. Sometimes we just help them get their Ted socks on and off. Those suckers can be brutal!
These folks typically have a pendant they can use to call us any time they need extra help as well. Again in cases of emergency we are there.
A step down from that can go one of two ways. If they need more physical care we are able to provide that and if their mental state starts to decline we are also here for them in that way.
A mental decline doesn't always mean dementia. A bit of memory loss as you age is very normal, but if Dementia is diagnosed, we provide a safe(locked) unit with trained dementia staff to help with every aspect of their ADLs.
ADL means Activities of Daily Living.
Activities of daily living. The tasks of everyday life. Basic ADLs include eating, dressing, getting into or out of a bed or chair, taking a bath or shower, and using the toilet
We have aides that work only in those beginning units. They will never move over to the dementia unit. Even though they may work with a resident or two at the beginning of their disease, they will never plunge fully into the dementia world.
The aides who choose to work in the earlier units are absolutely wonderful people. They care about their residents and they take the time to do their very best for them. They are trained in what they do but they are not trained for dementia.
Therefore they would struggle if you threw them into the dementia unit.
Please see my previous post
I tell you all of this because I see so many family members try to take on this task of caring for a loved one with dementia.
They see a loved one in need and their heart opens up and they want to help.
Maybe your person has just started showing signs of needing help so you feel like you are capable and able.
Then as the disease progresses you realize this is so very much more than you ever bargained for.
Now it is hard just to keep mom or dad safe and fed throughout the day. You start to feel like a failure.
You feel like this whole dementia world is crushing you and you just can't possibly make it through another day.
This feeling has a name. It is called Caregiver Burnout.
Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that can occur when a caregiver's resources are exceeded by the care they provide. It can have a negative impact on a caregiver's physical, psychological, financial, and social well-being.
You are not a failure. You are the heros. You jumped in with both feet when you saw a need. You are battling a disease you knew nothing about with zero training; and you are learning.
There are trained caregivers who can not take care of a dementia patient and here you are making it through each day.
Sometimes you are holding on by the skin of your teeth but you ARE holding on.
Applaud yourself! Take a deep breath or three and if no one else will, you sing your own praises. You deserve it!
See post:
Now, let's talk about how we get through this.
Caring for the Caregiver is a beautiful saying but really how do we do that.
We can start out by getting some training on this vicious disease.
My absolute favorite Dementia educator and also one of the top educators in the country is Ms. Teepa Snow.
Teepa has a paid training program called
Positive Approach to Care.
However you can also find many of her videos on YouTube for free.
I was lucky enough to train with Teepa many years ago. In that one day seminar I learned many of the things I take with me into my job still today.
Learning how to deal with many of the most common behaviors that come along with dementia will give you the chance to work smarter not harder. The more tools you have in your toolbox the easier the job becomes.
The next thing I would suggest is to get yourself a good therapist. Not all of you have a place to go just to talk about you.
Even if you have an amazing BFF like I do, they may not have all the answers for what you are going through. Use your friends to vent, to hold your hand or give you a hug and to make you laugh when you want to cry. Use your therapist for professional advice on how to get through this huge obstacle and the next one and the next one.
Another wonderful resource for you will always be the Alzheimer’s Association. They are available 24/7 and they are the experts in all things dementia.
If you are in the US, you can always call the Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline (1-800-272-3900) to vent, get advice, & resources.
Not only will they have resources for your loved ones, they will have amazing resources for you as their caregiver as well.
Listen to what they have to offer. Take what you need in the moment and save the rest for a another day.
Another piece to the puzzle may be finding some good in home care.
You may be able to have an aide come into your home and help you daily or maybe you just need someone once in a while when you really need some respite.
If the finances are available home care may provide great relief. If not, don't lose hope.
If your loved one qualifies for Medicaide they may be able to qualify for an Elderly Waiver.
This would mean little to no out of pocket for you to finally have some help.
To find out whether this is a possibility, start out by talking to Social Services in the county your loved one lives in.
There are also some wonderful day programs for dementia patients. Take a look around your area or ask the Alzheimer’s Association for a list.
You do not have to do this alone. It takes a village.
I do want to mention the Alzheimer’s and D
ementia groups on social media. I am a part of some really great ones.
I do believe they can provide some wonderful benefits. Just knowing that there are others out there going through the same things you are can be a weight lifter all on it's own.
Please try to remember that these are people just like you, fighting a battle against a disease they never wanted to know about with the tools they have picked up along the way. They are not experts.
Also, just like with any other social media, you will have some wonderful folks with caring compassionate responses and you may have some jerks. If you are not able to shake off the negative then do not seek your comfort or support on social media.
If your loved one has given this disease a long hard battle but now is nearing their end of life, reach out to their doctor for a hospice referral. The wonderful people in any hospice group are a resource beyond compare. The care and compassion they give to your loved one will always extend to you as well.
Under the Medicare hospice benefit, families are entitled to bereavement support from their hospice care provider for at least 12 months following the death of their enrolled loved one.
Hospice can be a very scary word. For anyone not familiar with it they may fear they are dooming their loved one to instant death.
Bringing Hospice on board isn't meant to be a negative for your loved one or your family.
Truly, it is just the opposite.
Yes, hospice does come on board when a patient has been deemed by their doctor to have 6 months or less to live. That sounds very scary but unfortunately that will be the reality whether hospice is around or not.
However, the quality of care that I have known hospice to provide can make those days the absolute best they can be.
Hospice will give your loved one the very best quality of life for however many days they have left.
When the end comes, hospice will make their last moments as calm, peaceful and beautiful as they should be.
They will do their best to be sure that your loved one is not afraid or in pain and they will be there to support you and your family with anything you may need.
Hospice is a beautiful group with absolutely beautiful people attending.
They will be a blessing for you all when the end is near.
The last group I hope you are able to turn to for support during this very long ride would be your family and friends. I chose to talk about them last because so many of you are going it alone.
If you are lucky enough to have friends and other family members by your side just know that you are blessed.
Take advantage of their help and let them know you appreciate their presence in your life.
If however you are pushing through this on your own please remember you are never truly alone. We have a whole tribe of us out here ready and waiting to care for you.
Caring for the Caregiver will be one of the best gifts you can give to your loved one.
Here are a few books about taking care of you while taking care of them
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We took care of our grandmother with dementia for 4 years. We loved her so much but she was like a baby. And taking care of someone for a long period is really hard.
My grandmother is in an old age home. I have always admired the care takers whose job is to take care of the old people every day. Hats off to you!
Such an important post! Thank you for sharing. I saw my parents go through burnout in later years with my grandparents.
Great information! Being a caregiver can indeed tough. Thank you for sharing.
This was a beautiful post. I love how you write as a friend. I especially liked the way you wrote this " You are not a failure. You are the heros. You jumped in with both feet when you saw a need. You are battling a disease you knew nothing about with zero training" So many caregivers need to hear this. Well done! I can tell you are a wonderful CNA!